


“I’ll Try”

by State_of_Dreaming



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Also curse words, American Writer, Angst, But he doesn’t let himself get one, Canon Compliant, Character Study, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt with attempted comfort, Kind of a Timothy Stoker, No beta we kayak like Tim, POV Tim Stoker (The Magnus Archives), That tag feels particularly appropriate here, The Timsasha can be platonic or romantic or qpr, Tim Stoker Angst (The Magnus Archives), Tim Stoker Needs a Hug (The Magnus Archives), Vague discussion of suicide, Yall know how this ends, you do you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:55:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29188893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/State_of_Dreaming/pseuds/State_of_Dreaming
Summary: Tim knew when he headed home the day Martin convinced him make a statement about Danny that he would be the one to end the Unknowing. He would figure out a way to release his desperate pent-up rage to avenge Danny and Sasha and no one could stop him. Not Martin, not Jon, and definitely not Elias.Nevertheless, Martin tried.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood & Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood & Tim Stoker, Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist (briefly mentioned), Sasha James & Tim Stoker, Sasha James/Tim Stoker (implied)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	“I’ll Try”

**Author's Note:**

> This scene was supposed to be a chapter in my Timsasha fic that I may or may not ever share, but I decided to post it separately because it more focuses on Tim and the Unknowing and his relationship with the archival team in general.
> 
> Enjoy the angst :)

Tim knew when he headed home the day Martin convinced him make a statement about Danny that he would be the one to end the Unknowing. He would figure out a way to release his desperate pent-up rage to avenge Danny and Sasha and no one could stop him. Not Martin, not Jon, and definitely not Elias.

Nevertheless, Martin tried.

“Tim, please just be careful.”

It was the evening before Tim, Basira, Daisy, and Jon were scheduled to head out and Tim was sitting at his desk, haphazardly shoving the memorabilia that decorated the wood into his bag. Not that whether his belongs were on his desk or on his person would make any difference when something inevitably went wrong at the House of Wax. No matter the outcome of the ritual itself, Tim couldn’t shake the feeling that they were walking into a lose-lose scenario and honestly? He couldn’t care less.

“I will.”

He could practically feel Martin’s worried gaze burning into his skin. “Y-you don’t sound like you will.”

A long time ago Tim would’ve been kinder to the stuttering assistant. There was a time when the two of them were close. But as Tim grew angry at Jon and the world, he distanced himself from Martin. The man’s positivity that used to make Time smile became a nuisance. So now, Tim just sneered at him: “Shouldn’t you be worrying about your boyfriend?”

Martin blushed at this but didn’t deny it. Probably figured it wouldn’t do either of them any good. “I uh—I…I already have. Jon’s already promised me he’ll take care of himself as best he can. B-But you sound like you’re ready to uh, well, to die and that’s scaring me.”

“So what if I am?” Tim finally met Martin’s gaze. “You’re really gonna blame me?”

They maintained eye contact for all of two seconds before Martin’s eyes began darting around anxiously. “Well, uh, no. No, I can’t. But please—”

“I can’t keep living like this Martin. Maybe you can and maybe Jon can and maybe that makes both of you stronger than me, but I can’t.” Tim willed his voice not to crack. Martin just stood there, mouth gaping like a fish and Tim sighed, standing up and slinging his bag over his shoulder. 

“I’m going home. Long day tomorrow.” He walked past Martin towards the door, trying to ignore the sickening sense in his stomach that maybe he should say a proper goodbye to his old friend.

“What about Sasha?”

Despite the attempt at confidence, Martin’s words were shaky, and hurried, a last-ditch effort on his part to get Tim to listen to him. And it worked. Halfway to the door, Tim stopped in his tracks and slowly turned on his heel.

“What. About. Her?” Tim asked, drawing out the question and not fighting the bitter undertone that wormed its way into his words.

“Wouldn’t she want you to stay alive? Wouldn’t she want us to stick together? You, me, a-and…and Jon?”

“I don’t know Martin. I don’t know what she would want and neither do you,” Tim hissed. 

“I know, I know, but we…we were her boys!” Martin tried to smile but the expression on his face was pained and confused, one Tim knew all too well from nights spent digging through his memories, pulling files from his brain in a desperate attempt to find something, anything that wasn’t locked away, that would remind him of the real Sasha. “Weren’t we?”

They were. Sasha had always referred to the rest of the Archival Team as “her boys.” She would say it with a fondness reserved especially for them, one that made Tim’s heart melt. But that memory was long gone.

“I don’t know Martin.” Tim growled again. “Maybe we were. Like it matters now.”

“She’d want us to stick together,” Martin repeated, though it sounded like he was trying to convince himself just as much as Tim. “She’d want you to—to be smart tomorrow, she’d want you n-not to lose your head, and she’d want you to come back. Come home.”

Tim almost let his wall down at that. He almost broke, almost let his bag fall from his shoulders and collapsed into a heap on the floor, almost wished Martin would wrap him in a bear hug so he could sob into the man's soft sweater and apologize for being such a dick for the past year.

Almost.

But the rage that filled Timothy Stoker roared and there was no hope to extinguish that flame anymore.

“No.” Tim snarled, relishing in the fearful look that crossed Martin’s face as he began walking forward. “No, no, you don’t get to do that.”

“D-Do what?” Martin squeaked and Tim almost smiled at the pathetic way his coworker tried to stand his ground.

“You don’t get to pretend like you know her, like you remember her, you don’t get to use her to get to me,” he spat. Martin stumbled backwards in an attempt to avoid Tim’s pursuit, but he found himself up against a table, reaching to brace himself on the wood behind him. It was Sasha’s old desk.

How ironic.

“Tim—”

“I’m going in there tomorrow and I’m killing that thing for my brother, and for Sasha.” Tim towered over Martin now, anger seething in his eyes. 

“I don’t care if I’m alive or dead by the end of it, and no one is stopping me. Not Elias, not Jon, and not.” He jabbed a finger at Martin’s chest. “You.”

“Okay! Okay,” Martin rasped, panicked.

Satisfied with the effect of his advances, Tim stepped back, letting Martin fall forwards from the desk and catch himself around the middle. While Martin’s hasty breathing slowed, Tim turned back to the door, exhaustion taking over where rage had been moments before. He desperately hoped Martin wouldn’t attempt to stop him again as he tried once more to leave. Tim didn’t know what he’d do.

But alas, Martin had one more try left in him, the stubborn bastard.

“Tim,” He huffed. “Wait. Please.”

Turns out Tim’s sudden exhaustion was Martin’s saving grace because the heaviness that had fallen over his body made the prospect of strangling his old friend not worth it. Tim didn’t even bother turning around this time.

“What?” The word sounded dull and lifeless to Tim’s ears, like it came out of someone else’s mouth. Someone too close to death’s doorstep for comfort.

“I just...I found something.” The words were accompanied by a rustling. “T-This. I—I thought you might want to h-have it.” Martin paused in anticipation and Tim didn’t move. Martin seemed to understand this was the closest thing to an invitation he was getting because there was the sound of movement behind Tim and a moment later, Martin was in front of him, thrusting a polaroid picture into his hands.

Tim recognized the location instantly. It was from a Halloween party years ago, a photo snapped before alcohol flooded everyone’s systems. There, grinning back at Tim, was a younger, happier version of himself with one arm around Martin who, despite his constant state of nervousness, had a close-lipped smile on his face and appeared to be genuinely enjoying himself. Younger Tim’s other arm draped across the shoulders of a stranger. She was mid-laugh, one hand covering her mouth and the other holding a red solo cup that looked dangerously close to spilling if it tipped any further. Tim knew who she was even though she didn’t match anyone in his memories. It was Sasha, it had to be. But nothing about her was familiar and the harder he tried to place her laughing face, the worse his permanent headache became. Tim pulled his eyes away and blinked back tears, dropping his hand to his side. He would not cry in front of Martin. But he held on tight to the photograph.

“Thanks,” Tim murmured, not meeting Martin’s eyes.

“Just, be safe, okay?” The other man begged. “Promise me you’ll be safe.”

Tim knew he couldn’t promise that, but when he finally looked up, Martin’s eyes were pleading, and the expression tugged at his heart against his will, filling his chest with an emotion that hadn’t struck him in a long time:

Love.

The kind he used to have for Martin, for Sasha. For Jon. They had been a family, hadn’t they? And he had loved them, for all their flaws. He had loved his family, his fellow ‘Sasha’s boys’ and Sasha herself with the sort of unconditional love that he lost in Danny’s death. The kind he had found in these dusty old Archives, in Jon’s humming, in Martin’s tea, in Sasha’s smile. The kind that he ultimately lost again among the monsters that replaced them. Well, two of them; the last one stood before Tim, desperate fear in his eyes because he’d seen the monsters too.

“Tim?”

“I’ll try.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to leave a critique or literally anything below! Comments make my day <3
> 
> Find me on tiktok @izzib4! I am an amateur cosplayer (TMA and TAZ characters so far) and would love the support :)


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